Lonely in Two Acts

I.
so much to say but no way to say it
no one lets me get a word
each phrase, every sentence
microscoped, judged, found wanting
'can't say that!'
'how dare you!'
'crazy, pathetic, delusional!'
'dangerous!'
'NASTY!'
how about
you walk in my life for a while
see what it feels like
to be me
i have feelings
i have dreams
i have wishes and wants
i have needs
did you know that?
do you care?

do you care?

II.
you are different
you have seen me
for who i am
i cannot explain how you affect me
do you know how my heart leaps
when i hear your voice?
to feel your touch
would be
the beginning and
the very end of me
but as i ended
so would we begin
when the world slept
when the wind howled
when the rain beat down like Hell
tempest-driven by emotion
barriers crashed down for us
we will know then
nothing can crush us

nothing can crush us


J 11.29.os

Day In Day Out

Dear SS,

Haven't talked to you at any length for a while. I hope you're doing well and enjoying the autumn temperatures, the leaves, the cool wind, all those things. Since you don't make too many appearances these days, nobody knows what's happening with you.

My nephew will be leaving for Iraq probably next week. He has all the necessary preliminaries done, and is just waiting for his company to give the word. You know, he acts like he's really unconcerned, it's all routine, 'yeah I'll be fine don't worry about me'. But I know in his heart he's scared. How could a sane person not be scared to be going there? For a year, more than likely? Even though he's not a soldier, and won't see battle, he's still going to be about 40 miles from fighting. That's not far enough away. I've already started praying for him, and I swore I would, every day, until he comes home. He said he may not be able to wear the necklace I gave him, but he would have it with him all the time.

I'm scared for him. I hope he'll be alright.

Things with my mom have been much better since I wrote her that letter. She's been making some noises lately about the finances, but I just stop talking when she does that, and we move on to new subjects. I'm going to her place for dinner tonight; if she brings it up, I can try to distract her by talking about the meatloaf. ;)

Did you have a good Halloween? What kind of costume did you have? I didn't even have any trick-or-treaters. Not many kids live in our complex, and I don't think any from the surrounding subdivisions come up this far. So I had pizza and listened to music and read Jeffery Deaver. Another fun-filled night at Punk Central.

Not much else to report. I just wanted to drop you a line, see how you're faring. Come visit when you have a few, alright?

We can go look at the stars. :)

Goodnight, baby. I love you.

My heart to yours, always.

J

P.S. The offer to get crosseyed still stands, you know. Bring the crumbs. ;)