Dear Gerard, Mikey, Frank, Ray, and Mike (MP)

This is not a letter to castigate anyone's behavior. This is not meant to be a screaming hairy catfit of an asschewing. This is meant to be a calm commentary with my opinion thrown in there. I would appreciate it if you guys would at least read this.

There's a lot of controversy going around regarding Gerard's comment in the upcoming SPIN article. To quote:

"[Sobriety] became such a thing," he says. "It was so goddamn important to everyone but me. You start to feel like the two guys in the Smiths who wanted to eat cheeseburgers but had to pretend not to. I understand that kids look up to me, that some people might have gotten sober because of me. But it's not an important thing for me anymore."

You're no one's savior, you mean.

"Hell no." He pauses. "But that was a fun image to play with. Because even if you miss the mark, you're probably gonna be a pretty remarkable person. Shoot for savior, and end up being rad."

I don't think anyone would've had a problem with you, Gerard, saying, "Hey, I've found out I can take a drink or two and not be totally affected, I'm gonna try it again." Or even, "Well, in the past, I had no control, now I do, I think I can handle it." Or better yet, you could've not said anything at all. But the words you used, the attitude you conveyed, came across like you've been playing the fans, mocking people who either have drinking problems or who know someone who does, and essentially telling us all that our concern for your previous struggle--possible struggle?--with substance abuse was, well, a joke to you.

G, have you realized how many fans you've lost with that statement? How many people you've pissed off? Disappointed? Angered?

Do you even give a shit?

Lisa's grandfather was an alcoholic, until his wife got him to stop drinking. He would blow his paycheck on liquor before he even got home. Another friend's grandfather died from complications of alcoholism. My father couldn't handle alcohol, so my mom wouldn't keep it in the house.

From what a lot of us have seen, you can't handle your alcohol, either.

Do you remember PR? I do. I saw you throwing up on the back of the stage during at least 2 out of 4 shows. I saw you grab Frank, shake him, and throw him to the ground. Do you remember that incident? I saw your eyes. There was nobody home.

My friends and I care about your well-being, Gerard. Please watch yourself and take care of yourself. Lots of people want you to succeed, to thrive, to live your life completely. Please don't bring your troubles on yourself. Life is too fucking short to mess with; I've learned this the hard way.

Sobriety isn't something you do for other people; it's something you do for yourself.

Take care.
xo jen

Happy Halloween Birthday, Frank!

It's our boo-baby's birthday again!

HAPPY 29th BIRTHDAY, FRANK IERO!

Rock 'em all through Europe, blow them out of the water, make some noise!

xo jen

The Twelve Nights of Halloween

You know the tune; sing along!

On the first night of Halloween, my undead love gave to me: a vultu-ure in a dead tree.

On the second night of Halloween, my undead love gave to me: two bloody gloves, and a vultu-ure ina dead tree.

On the third night of Halloween, my undead love gave to me: three squashed bugs, two bloody gloves, and a vultu-ure in a dead tree.

On the fourth night of Halloween, my undead love gave to me: four rabid rats, three squashed bugs, two bloody gloves, and a vultu-ure in a dead tree.

On the fifth night of Halloween, my undead love gave to me: FIVE FRANKENSTEINS! Four rabid rats, three squashed bugs, two bloody gloves, and a vultu-ure in a dead tree.

On the sixth night of Halloween, my undead love gave to me: six bats a-flying, fiiive Frankensteins!, four rabid rats, three squashed bugs, two bloody gloves, and a vultu-ure in a dead tree.

*gasp*

On the seventh night of Halloween, my undead love gave to me: seven wolves a-howling, six bats a-flying, fiiiive Frankensteins!, four rabid rats, three squashed bugs, two bloody gloves, and a vultu-ure in a dead tree.

On the eighth night of Halloween, my undead love gave to me: eight ghosts a-haunting, seven wolves a-howling, six bats a-flying, fiiiive Frankensteins!, four rabid rats, three squashed bugs, two bloody gloves, and a vultu-ure in a dead tree.

On the ninth night of Halloween, my undead love gave to me: nine mugs of poison, eight ghosts a-haunting, seven wolves a-howling, six bats a-flying, fiiive Frankensteins!, four rabid rats, three squashed bugs, two bloody gloves, and a vultu-ure in a dead tree.

*wheeze*

On the tenth night of Halloween, my undead love gave to me: ten zombies moaning, nine mugs of poison, eight ghosts a-haunting, seven wolves a-howling, six bats a-flying, fiiive Frankensteins!, four rabid rats, three squashed bugs, two bloody gloves, and a vultu-ure in a dead tree.

On the eleventh night of Halloween, my undead love gave to me: eleven black cats hissing, ten zombies moaning, nine mugs of poison, eight ghosts a-haunting, seven wolves a-howling, six bats a-flying, fiiive Frankensteins!, four rabid rats, three squashed bugs, two bloody gloves, and a vultu-ure in a dead tree.

*only one more, thank all that's unholy!*

On the twelfth night of Halloween, my undead love gave to me: twelve Loch Ness monsters, eleven black cats hissing, ten zombies moaning, nine mugs of poison, eight ghosts a-haunting, seven wolves a-howling, six bats a-flying, fiiiive Frankensteins!, four rabid rats, three squashed bugs, two bloody gloves...

*pant, pant*

and a vultu-ure in a dead fucking treeeeeee!

*If he wasn't already undead, I'd have to kill him.*

;)

I'm Not Supposed to Ask "Why", but I Can't Help It

This has not been the best summer for me, my family, and my friends. And then today there was some more bad news, not life-threatening, but financially, socioeconomically, emotionally, and psychologically devastating. After a while of nothing but bad breaks, you start asking yourself, How much more of this can we all take? And yourself answers, I don't know. Then you ask your Higher Power, Please, please help us because you can't help yourself. And if you're lucky, He'll/She'll reply, Of course, my child, worry not.

But if you keep asking, and nothing happens, then what?

Nothing Else to Write!

This is one of my favorite songs:

Body Movin' by the Beastie Boys

Groove on, kids!

Last Medical Update--Maybe? Keep Your Fingers Crossed

Hooray! The hysterectomy was a success! Only trace amounts of cancer were in the uterus, and the lymph nodes were fine. Now all that's left is the...*da da daaah* the chemo. D has an appt Tuesday to have a port inserted into her chest; for those who don't know, that's a flexible plastic tube like an IV where the chemo is administered. It's easier on the body than having to have an IV put in the arm every few weeks for a period of months. Her chemo's supposed to last 4 months, so that'd be a lot of needles!

I'll be taking D for the port insertion, and an EKG beforehand.

Thursday she starts her chemo. The dr even told her when to expect hair loss; I told her, "Nothing like pinpointing it, hunh?" Fourteen to twenty-nine days after the first treatment. Time to buy scarves!

Keep holding those good thoughts, my friends. They've worked so well so far! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support and love. Hopefully life will settle down here, and I can visit everybody like I've intended to do for months.

xo jen

Medical Report #489

Here is, hopefully, the last "bad news" post about my sister. And it's not really bad news per se, it's, well...well, you can decide for yourselves.

Most of you already know the biopsy showed endometrial cancer. Ok, that's shitty. But, she's having a total hysterectomy July 28, and then will start chemo at some point after that. After 4 months of chemo (every 3 weeks for 3 hours at a pop, followed by a "booster" shot the next day), she'll have 6 weeks of radiation every day except weekends. During all this, she'll be taking a chemo pill to augment the treatments; that will be until her "anniversary" date next year.

Nothing else has shown up, thankfully. She's in the mindframe of "Well, I've gotta do it so let's get crackin'." Which is good; it's how my whole family reacts to difficult situations. Break down first, then say, I've had enough of that, and move on.

My cataract surgery went really well. I'm still blurry, but that's normal. I can read more clearly now, and have "graduated" off one of my eyedrops today, as well as the shield. (Had to wear that any time I slept.) My next appt is Friday to check the pressure.

Being on the computer is still kind of tough for me b/c of the glare, the strain. So I'm here off and on. Thanks to everyone who's been sending happy thoughts and good wishes and prayers and all. They must've helped us all b/c we're doing better. :)

Take care, and I'll talk to y'all again soon!

xo jen

More on My Sister

Updating again, better late than never...:/

The PET scan was negative for breast cancer! One hurdle down, thank you Jesus.

On the other hand, it showed a mass of some sort in her uterus. A biopsy at the GYN on Friday will determine what it actually is. Depending on the results, she'll have either a D & C or a hysterectomy.

Tomorrow, D has an appt with an oncologist to set up her chemo treatments (I presume). It's going to be even busier once that starts, since she'll probably have to go several times a week. So L and I'll be helping with the daycare more within the next month. Now that my nephew's new wife has moved to Knoxville, she'll be helping out as well, so maybe we can all rotate times. Doesn't matter, as long as it gets done.

So, more news after the weekend sometime. Thanks to all who've been praying, sending healing energies and good thoughts, and leaving messages. You're a great bunch of friends. ♥

News From the Front

D went back to the dr today. They removed one of the two drains and one of the stitches that was keeping the incision closed. The path. report came back; 13 of the 23 lymph nodes they took out were "suspicious", the news of which scared her terribly. She goes back Thursday afternoon to have the other drain out, hopefully, and has a PET scan scheduled for Friday morning.

Everybody, thanks for all the prayers and healing energies, and please please please keep them coming. D is fluctuating between calm resignation and utter panic, and needs all the strength she can get. She said she told the dr today that she doesn't "want to die". He told her that from where he was sitting, she was far from that, but she's still so worried.

I can't blame her, can you?

Update

Ok, here's the news:

Surgery itself was successful. When the dr started checking the lymph nodes, he found the first one was enlarged and cancerous. He ended up removing about 20 of them and of course sent them for a pathology report, which may be back as soon as tomorrow.

My sister got to come home Saturday, after surgery late Friday afternoon. She's been in some pain, and the tape they fastened the dressing on with is itching like mad and driving her insane, but otherwise she's pretty good. She has an appt tomorrow, and will be recovering for 2-3 weeks, before they start chemo and possibly radiation.

One part over, another part just beginning.

Hey Everybody

Thank you all so much for the wonderful emails and calls and comments over the past couple weeks. Every bit of it has helped tremendously, it's proved beyond the tiniest doubt that you all are there for me when I need you the most, and I am more than thankful for every one of you.

I don't really have any more news than I did before about my sister. The surgeon wants her to have an MRI Monday, but she's terribly claustrophobic. She's trying to find a facility that has an open MRI; so far, there's only one. They gave her a sedative pill she can take before the procedure, but even the thought of being in that tube paralyzes her with a fear stronger than that of the disease.

Once she has the MRI, they'd wait 7-10 days before performing surgery. They don't know if she'll have to have radiation or chemo, if either, after the surgery. That'll be determined afterwards. She's pretty sure she'll have a mastectomy because she says she doesn't think she could go through this again. Can't blame her. You know, she's the same age my mother was when she had hers. Bitter irony, eh?

What scares me now, too, is what I wrote about in the poem. Three out of five original family members have had cancer. What kind of odds are these? Shitty ones, that's what kind. Not only am I worrying about my sister and how she'll respond, but I'm also worrying about myself, and am I going to end up in the same shape? My dad had leukemia, then the breast cancer in my mom and now my sister. And I know my own health isn't great. I used to say jokingly that it was a 'done deal' that I'd end up with it in some form eventually. But the joke's over. I'm petrified of my chances now.

All I can do about it all is pray, you know? And see my doctor when I'm supposed to go. Which I do. Both of those.

But it's always in the back of my mind.

Karma

There is no movie
Or book
As scary as
Real life.

This is one horrifying disease.

My mother survived it;
My father did not.
My sister is the third person
In my original family
Of five
To have to go through this.

These are not good odds.

What I find the most frightening
--and the most inevitable--
Is the thought that
This is my destiny,
This is my future.
Nobody knows for sure,
Of course,
But, like it says above:

These are not good odds.

There is no movie
Or book
As scary as
Real life.

Unchained Melody

A huge heartfelt thank you and many XOs to all my friends who responded to my last post. I knew I had people who care, I just didn't know quite how many. You all made me feel so loved and appreciated, and I can't tell you how much I needed that.

I also realized that I haven't been as faithful as I could've been over the past six months. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember to email, visit blogs, write notes, call, etc. It's not a new habit by any means, but there's no excuse for it. So I'm going to start trying to be more "in touch" with all of you over the coming days, weeks, months, even years. I don't want to lose you girls; you mean too much to me.

************************************************

My nephew's wedding went off without any problems--amazingly enough for any large event involving more than two people. It was held at a small wedding chapel in the mountains; the setting was absolutely gorgeous, and the sun stayed out for them to have it outdoors. The rest of the day, however, seemed endless, as we spent most of it in the company of her family. All I'm gonna say is, the two extended families don't particularly mesh. But that doesn't matter. C and N are happy, and that is what matters.

*************************************************

My niece graduated from Tulane Law School on the 15th, so she's on her way to becoming a lawyer. She'll take the TN bar exam in July, but won't get the results back for several months. She wants to specialize in international law (or she did the last time we spoke about it). She also wants to have all her children in the next five years. Three of them, I think she said. Practice law, have kids, be a wife, move back to TN. I said, Good luck. She's gonna be busy.

**************************************************

SS! How are you, honey? I hardly ever talk to you anymore, do I? I'm so sorry. Seems I've been neglecting all my friends. Just like always, you've probably been really busy; you have that tendency. ;) I miss our evenings of reading by the bay window; our nights of enjoying the stars outside; being silly; being serious. You've always been there for me, baby, and for that I'm so thankful. Hope you're taking care of yourself. Talk to you soon.

**************************************************

I also hope everyone is enjoying the fiery-pits-of-Hell-quality heat that's been the bane of my existence lately. I can take 80s, but 90s have got to GO! Blarg.

And no, I can't swim. :P

Am I Blue?

Maybe my problem is that I'm too naive. Maybe I've always believed in the basic goodness of others over the possible badness. I don't like to think that there are people in the world who say one thing to your face and then try to gut you from behind. But after being part of M's blog for about 2 1/2 years, I've learned the absolutely fucking hardest way possible that hardly anyone is what they seem. I trusted everyone when we first started. That was my first mistake. Thanks to the actions and treatment of some, I now trust minute numbers of people. I certainly don't trust new people. Each day I find out there have been more people who either don't like me or don't believe me. Then I start wondering, Am I really that horrible person that I was accused of being? Do I not see some character flaw in my personality that dooms me to be a cruel, heartless, vindictive bitch? Surely not, because no one's ever accused me of being that before. But it does get in there and chew on your subconscious. Why else would some of those I thought were my friends turn away and ignore me in favor of others who act completely horrific?

Some of those who swore they'd never let me down have all but disappeared from my life. Maybe I was just someone to fill in a gap in their lives and not someone they wanted to keep around. I'm no stranger to that treatment either, but fuck, I thought those days were behind me. And it surely doesn't mean I enjoy it simply because I don't say anything. It hurts me, really really badly. When I get hurt, I tend to clam up, hide away, so no one will notice me. If they don't want me around, they should be happy that I'm gone, right? Seems like I've always given more to friendships than I've ever gotten back--with one exception. L is the truest, kindest, most loyal friend I've ever had. Thank God for her; I'd never make it without her.

Everybody else apparently takes me for granted.

And I expect no one except L will read this post. But at least she will. I don't think anybody else gives a shit.

Lust for Life

Got a new/old CD by Iggy Pop the other day at the used bookstore. I'd forgotten how much I love his music; I haven't listened to him in a while. The album's called "Skull Ring", it's from 2003, and it's like he never aged at all. Iggy's the Grandfather of Punk, man, he's been around forever. I don't think he'll ever die. He'll just slowly...run...out of...steam.

Like, old punks never die, they just wrinkle away?

I don't know, but Iggy's about 63 or so, and he's still out there, thrashing himself around on stages everywhere. He can outdo Henry Rollins, as admitted by Henry himself. Yeah, he may not look the best, but the music's what counts here. It hasn't dimmed in intensity, or passion, or shock value. Just now, it has parental warning labels on it.

Let me leave you with one of my faves from "Skull Ring"; maybe it'll inspire you to rediscover, or discover, the Igster for yourself. Keep rockin.

Iggy Pop and Green Day "Supermarket"

Adventures in Babysitting

L's taking care of her 14-month-old cousin over the weekend, while Baby's mom and dad are at a comic-con in Nashville. So I get to help. L's doing most of the care, I just kinda come along behind and pick up the slack, or the mess, or whatever.

Now, as most of you know, childcare isn't my forte. I've helped my sister out during her assessments (boy, talk about adventures! This is where I learned that herding children is like herding cats), but otherwise? No. Oh, I don't neglect them or anything, I just don't always know what to do with them. That frustrates me, so I end up not doing the best I could. Plus once they become mobile...oh my cow. The old knees start protesting: "SIT DOOOOOOOOWN! WE HUUUUUUUUUUUURT!"

So anyway. She's here until Monday. Y'all may want to call us then to see if we've survived. If you get the machine, assume we're passed out from fatigue, or possibly running around the apartment laughing hysterically.

To quote Pepe le Peu: "I hope we can hold out." O_o

Two Outta Three Ain't Bad

My nephew's getting married!

I know, it looks like I'm really excited about that, what with the exclamation point and all. I think it's more appropriate to say, I'm stunned more than anything. This is my older nephew I'm talking about, C, the one who's working in Iraq. He and his fiancee, N, have been together for eight years. Eight years! That amount of time is almost unimaginable to me. I mean, in terms of a relationship, eight years would be either 'fish or cut bait,' or 'we should've been married five years ago.' But whatever. They've only actually been engaged since Thanksgiving, and the wedding's in May.

So, first my niece, now my older nephew. The younger nephew has actually just (sort of) broken up with his girlfriend, so he's not going to make it a triple crown anytime soon. That leaves my older sister...and me.

Stranger things have happened.

The Neverending Story

"The best of a book is not the thought which it contains, but the thought which it suggests, just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones but in the echoes of our hearts."
John Greenleaf Whittier

"We shouldn't teach great books, we should teach a love of reading."
B. F. Skinner

"Some booiks are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested."
Francis Bacon, Sr.


Books make me happy, in a way that nothing else can. I'm hardwired to need a book almost every waking minute of the day. I'm always reading. When I finish one book, I'll wait a few hours to kind of let that last one soak in and make its impressions on my brain. Then I go pick out a new one. I have a box that's about 2 feet long and a foot and a half wide absolutely filled with paperbacks: two rows deep and some stacked on top. To me, it seems like a treasure chest filled not with jewels and gold coins, but with adventures and intriguing characters.

And escape.

Nothing comforts me like reading. I can turn off the world, forget my problems, worries, sadnesses, and go hunting vampires with Stephen King, catching FTAs with Janet Evanovich, solving mysteries with Robert B. Parker, creating magic--and utter chaos--with Jim Butcher, and, well, um, enjoying vampires with Laurell K. Hamilton. I can run the alleys and hills with Joe Grey and Dulcie in Shirley Rousseau Murphy's mystery-solving cat series. I can dig down deep into the evidence with Lincoln Rhyme in Jeffery Deaver's forensic mystery novels. I can be amazed and stunned by the oddities Special Agent Pendergast goes up against in Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child's adventure epics.

I can be who or what or where or even when I want to be. All in a book.

And no, a Kindle just isn't the same.

Dear SS

Hey, Precious! I haven't talked with you in about a billion years. How I miss you, it's crazy. Since M's is pretty much under surveillance 24/7, I don't really feel able to visit there. So how are things with you? Working hard, I assume, as usual. Not taking time for you. Have you had any of these nasty sinus/flu bugs that've been going around? You never did get enough rest, so I'll bet you've been sick at least once since December.

Don't look at me like that. I know how you are. ;)

Me? I'm alright. As you (maybe) saw earlier, we went to see The Used in concert a couple weeks ago. They were fucking fantastic! I'd never seen them live before, and to be honest hadn't gotten into their music until sometime last year. It was wow, just wow. Bert's got stage presence oozing out of his pores (at least I hope that's what it is, :P); he held that audience rapt for 2 hours. Not the most attractive man, is Bert, but the beard seems to improve his looks a tad.

And yes, we did have snow--finally. Never a lot, but more often than a normal Knoxville winter so far. We usually get enough snow to melt, refreeze, and turn to black ice the following morning, when various "winter-skilled" drivers (read "overconfident rednecks") skid through it and cause multiple-car pileups. We could turn it into an Olympic event. O_o

Been reading a lot; I'm sure you have too, knowing how you are. ;) I recently read The Picture of Dorian Gray, which I'd never read before. And won't read again. It's an extremely interesting story, enthralling characters, etc. Just, Oscar Wilde had a tendency to run off at the pen. Paragraphs that are two pages long! Descriptions of people/ideas/objects that lose you midway through because you've forgotten what he's talking about! Oh, Oscar, you do go on.

Well, its about time for me to go. Y'know, it's too bad that it's been so cold and snowy lately; we haven't been able to take our blanket outdoors. The stars are still out there, though, still shining for us. Can you see the big one that sparkles and twinkles overhead? Keep your eye on that one, it'll lead you home.

Goodnight, baby. I love you.

My heart to yours, always.

xo jen

PS. Remember, with Love and Hope, we can face the Unknown.

I Drive A Used Atreyu

The concert last night, at the Valarium, was so good, I was really impressed with the bands. Well, two of the bands.

Drive A, the opening opening band, is an alt-punk band from Los Angeles that I've never heard of before. They're a four-piece group, loud, hard, obnoxious, tuneful, a lot like Green Day used to be. I liked them ver' much indeed.

Atreyu was the opening band. Metal meets hard rock meets post-hardcore. Loud, screamy, not so tuneful. We went in the ladies' and sat on the couch during their set. Sorry, guys.

The Used ruled that club. It seems they're unofficially on The Beard Tour, as both Bert and Jeph were sporting them. They sang songs from every album, most of which I didn't know but still rocked out to. The few I did know, maybe four or five, were awesome. I had no idea that Bert could command an audience as easily as he did; he's charismatic, funny, compelling, and always on the move. A lot like some other frontman whose name I shall not mention *coughGWcough*.

All in all, an excellent evening, great music, great venue, yeah yeah yeah.

Dear Daddy,

It's been 22 years today--literally, because it was a Friday in 1988 when you passed. Ironic, that, because one of your favorite things to say was "It's Friday!" no matter what day it was. The thought of Friday, the technical end of the workweek, was always enough to make you smile. (I say technical, since most of the time you would end up working on Saturday too...but anything to help your customers.)

Here we are, our first picture together.

God, how I miss you.

*click the pic to hear the song*

Its All About the Snow

It's supposed to come a big 'gullywhomper' of a storm today and tonight. Snow, ice, hail, sleet, and then more snow. As well as locusts, the plague, and Jimmy Hoffa. It's been travelling west to east, following I-40 from one coast to the other, which--the great weatherman oracle insists--guarantees us huge gobs of accumulation.

Well, all I can say is: I'll believe it when I see it.

Knoxville's not known for receiving the weather that's actually been predicted. As far back as, oh, ever. They say, "It's gonna rain cats and dogs!" We get nothing. "Fifteen feet of snow's coming!" Nothing. "Nice sunny, warm day today!" Thunderstorm. Or snow. Or perhaps both.

You're getting the picture, I'm assuming. :/

I'll update the comments periodically, just to let y'all know the outcome of this latest wintry- blast prediction. Who knows, maybe this one will actually pan out.

And maybe...maybe there's a Wolverine in my backyard.

To Remind You of How Special You Are

You are no burden
You bring a world of wonderment and joy
To those who see your soul
Battles may be fought, and lost,
But you know how to survive
And come back from chaos
Strong, with the determined spark of
Success in your eye
And hope in your heart
You've learned the hard way that
People can be cruel,
Life can be unfair,
Words can destroy, and
Love can die
You should never have had to learn that lesson
It reflects, sometimes, in your eyes
What I wouldn't give to banish that look
And bring the stars back to life when you smile
You can lose all the anger and fear
If you don't let them take you
It takes courage, and will, and faith--
Which you have more of than you think--
And if you need more, here.
Mine are yours to have...

Because I love you.

J, 1.18.10

Back In Black

Houston, we have Internet.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

Finally, finally, we were able to get the software we needed to get it working again, thank you Dell. We have a lot to add back to the favorites and stuff, but we can talk!

BC, I missed you too, and I'll see you at Seven, hopefully tomorrow. If not me, then L will be there.

Welshie, if you'd like to come to Seven, please do, it's much quieter than the Castle, and we have a good time! And if you feel like it, you can email me. :)

Everybody else, I'll see you at Seven, and in email, and wherever else we can.

It's so GOOD to be back online. :D

**************************

SS, baby, I have missed talking to you so much. Hope everything's well in your world. Let me know how you are, ok? Sending you love, hugs, hot chocolate, a blanket, and the stars.

My heart to yours, always.

xo jen

AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Still no Internet. Will probably get it back next week. Thank Heavens for the library, although ti takes a minor miracle to get to use a computer.

Anyway, I'll talk to y'all again before next week.

Take care, I love you all and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

J. (By L.)