sad, sad, sad

Today the realization hit me that I will probably always be alone.

Not in terms of friends or family. In terms of having someone special to share my life with, a "one true love", my soulmate. My chances of ever finding him are so narrow; I mean, let's face it, I'm almost 44.

My luck has never been good.

Maybe I'm not supposed to find him. Maybe I'm supposed to live out the rest of my life without true love.

Maybe that sucks. Yeah, right, no maybe about it. It does. But I can't change it.

It's hard for me to put into words what I'm feeling. Sorrow is at the top of the list. I always ask, Why is it this way, always, every time? So I guess heartbroken is next. Lonely. Taken for granted...kinda. Good enough to be a friend, but not good enough to be anything more. Always.

I don't know why I'm even writing this. Nobody cares what I say. Except the mean ones, and they rape the meaning out of all my words, and throw them back at me, and mock me.

Maybe I should just quit talking.

I doubt anyone would notice.

They Don't Know

All I want is for them to leave me alone.

If some people out there don't like me, I'm sorry, but that's how it works in real life too.

That's no reason to be harassed, insulted, called names, picked apart, and treated like I'm less than human.

No one has ever offered an apology for any of that behavior.

I'm expected to sit quietly and take the abuse.

I won't do that.

I'm no victim.

But is it too much to ask them to leave me alone?

It appears to be so.

They seem to take great pleasure in pointing out how hideous they think I am.

They don't know me.

I know me.

My friends know me.

As a wise woman once said, "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter."