so here we are now
face-to-disbelieving-face
caught in all that could be
trapped by all that is
a lingering aftershock
brought on by a touch
how much is reality?
how much is a dream?
what shows in your eyes
keeps me warm at night
but a chill overtakes me
come the light of dawn
an empty blanket-covered space
where you don't sleep
reminds me: no reality,
only dream
-J, 8.18.08
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6 comments:
Hi J, just wanted to drop by and say I hope you have a wonderful week.
Take care. Love to you.
Hiya J, I hope you are OK.
I hope you have a great week.
I hate that we miss each other on the blogs.
Luv ya sweetie xxxxxx
Hiya OPJ,
I just wanted to say, I know we don't get to talk much. But I do care so much for you and L. And I wanted to say, what's happening with your mom, I am so sorry. I know first hand, how scary and heartbreaking, and even (sadly) irriatating and hurtful such a situation can be. And I have only faced it for a fraction, that I believe you have been. I still live with my ma (it is just too exspensive to live on our own here. And it's lonely too, ya know?) But we had a friend come live with us recently. We've known her, god I can't even remember Not Knowing her. She had moved away, we lost touch, we just got the random phone call from her.
But at the end of July, she was in town for a doctor visit. She had been living with her sister for over a year then, and her sister called to tell her -she just didn't want her to come back. We weren't about to let our long time friend live from her car, ya know? Within a week, we knew something was so very wrong. And the week after that -I spent following her around, trying to make sure she didn't hurt herself and to convince her to see a doctor. I cannot even begin to describe the hell that has come since then.
She had a head injury some years back, it wasn't handled properly at the time, and not even she knew to the extent of the damage it had caused her. We found out slowly, and terrifingly over these past few weeks -just how 'lost' she is now. With our friend, as she is not actual family, the end result is -there is little we can do. And we have done it all. But with your mom. I just want to say -I know it is rough. I know. But don't think there is nothing you can do.
Don't surrender and give up (no matter how much you want too, I know.) There are some option's out there. There has to be. It's just really, Really time consuming to find them. And it will be a fight to get what you need. And the option's may not be the most inviting, but I would say, at the very least -try to talk to a professional about how you can help her. There has to be ways to make you both more comfortable, less stressed. I couldn't stay with my friend day in and day out, to care for her. But there are places, very true and caring places that can -at least help you out. They can come by and check on her, help regulate her meds, feed her meals and so on.
I know that doesn't sound so nice, I certainly wouldn't want to live in a facility. But when there is little else you can do for her, and it is becoming more and more difficult for You, then you need to take that rough step and look at the other options. My friend? Because she is not 'blood' and because she refused to take the (incredible) help offered to her. She is staying in a hotel right now. She has no desire (and we Know, no capacity) to face her situation. She needs help, but she won't accept it. I fear that it will come to a point (a very ugly point) that she simply has no other choice. But for your mom, and for your own sanity and for Both of your comfort -please don't think that what is happening now, is all that will or can ever be. Believe me, I have a list of options for Norther California help services. And our options Suck in comparasion to other more-health minded states. I wish I had something more to offer you. I would look up numbers if I could. But I don't want you to think I am being pushy or offensive in any way.
I just wanted you to know, I understand how you are feeling right now. A friend certainly pales in comparasion to a parent, so I am so much more sorry for you, with that. But again, I just thought, you might want to know, there is no reason to feel guilty, or bad for what you may have to face soon. And getting mad at someone, for something thye say or do -dispite them being less aware that they are doing it, there is no avoiding that. It is personal. Because you care about them. So, I am rambling! I am sorry! But I just wanted to say something to you -I saw your goodnight comment. And I also wanted to add -I like your goodnights to Ss. I find them, like all the other goodnights, very comforting sometimes. To know that people care so much about others, that they may have or have not met, I think that is just beautiful. I don't think you should hide or be ashamed of that at all.
Again, sorry for what you are going threw J, and sorry again -for what I am sure is my record breaking long ass comment! I hope things improve for you and your mom soon. Fingers crossed for you.
Loves -l/d
Hiya J, I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I just hope you know that any time you need to talk and any time you feel you don't have the strength to deal with it, we are here for you.
As to you questions:
life? Same old
Work? OK
School? Can't wait
Cute boys? I wish
xxxxxxx
hello,
I am so far behind I have no idea what is going on with you. But I hope everything is ok.
You are welcome
talk to you and L
later mj
J,
I hope you're having a wonderful Sunday. I do enjoy when you visit Mayo's at night. I feel really comfortable talking to you about whatever's going on in my life, and I try to lend a ear for you as well.
I'm no way good with that stuff, but I do try. Anyways take care. Love and super hugs to you.
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