White Wedding

Over the years, even as recently as today, various people have asked me, "Are you married?" I've always said "No," of course, which invariably leads to, "Why not? You're so (insert appropriate adjective here) ." I've either answered, "Because I don't want to be married right now," or "I haven't met a man I could put up with for that long," or "Nobody's asked me." At this point, the questioner usually gives me a look of either incredulousness or disdain, depending on their gender, age, or own marital status.

See, in the South, a grand majority of your worth, if you're a woman, is based on who you're married to, who you're getting ready to marry, or who you've been married to before. "Single" is considered by many to be a disease more than a lifestyle choice. Older Southerners, especially, have a hard time wrapping their minds around that concept. It's just not done, unless you're "ugly" or "feeble-minded". Hell, sometimes that doesn't even count.

Of course, there's always the label of "that way." That's my personal favorite.

As I've grown older, though, I've realized that being married would be...good. Not an enthusiastic endorsement, I know, but "good" encompasses a lot of ground in my estimation. (Did you like all the "e" words? Completely unintentional, believe it or not.) I mean, everyone has their reasons for being part of a couple, but for me, marriage would have to be an equal partnership.

None of that "I'm the man, you're the little woman, you have to stay home, keep house, have my kids, have no life except being Mrs. Me, doing what I tell you to do, voicing no opinions," blah de blah de blah. I've always said that if I do marry someone, he's going to have to be more special than anyone else I've met. He will have to be a man who's secure in himself, who doesn't feel threatened by a strong woman. He will have to be extremely intelligent; funny as fuck; laid-back; well-read; an animal lover; a music lover. He will have to be kind, gentle yet strong in character, just jealous enough to stand up for me, supportive. He's going to have to "get" me. He's going to know. and be. what turns me on, both sexually and intellectually.

As for looks, I don't go for conventionally good-looking men. I admit to having a "type" that I'm drawn to most often, and those of you who've read my "About Me" list at the Big House know what that is. Physical attractiveness, in my book, is based on whatever you find attractive about that person, not necessarily their appearance. Who I think is good-looking may not appeal to someone else, but they do to me because they have "it", that thing that just flat does it for me. I can't explain it, but y'all probably know what I mean. And if the personality is good, then the face and body are good.

Before you say anything, I know you can't get every quality that you want in the person that you meet. But you need to make sure that they have MOST of those in order to be compatible and to want to be with them the rest of your life. Too many people settle, I've talked about that before.

I don't want to settle. I don't have to settle. That's where I feel I have an advantage over some people: I'm not afraid to be alone. I like to be alone. I've done it before. And I don't base my worth on whether I'm single or married. I like myself as myself, by myself or with someone. The man I marry will have to be the same.

If I met the right man tomorrow, and he asked me, I would marry him. Regardless of whatever else was going on in my life. See, I think that if you find THE person you're supposed to be with, you'll know it. It won't matter how long you've known them, where they live, how old they are, race, religion, political affiliation, "class", financial status. Whatever the odds, when you meet that person, your soulmate, the two of you will be together eventually. Nothing can deter that. I believe that with all my heart, and if that makes me a hopeless romantic (or maybe you call it stupid), then so be it. I've seen it happen too many times not to believe.

I still believe for myself. My soulmate's out there. I can feel him.

We just gotta connect.

I wonder...

Can he feel me too?

I'll wait and find out.

J